It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize