; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My first STD was from a foam party
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
