I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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