this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
