Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
