do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
