Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
