2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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