**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Damn victory sex feels great
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
