Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
