I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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