Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
