My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
