She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
