he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
