what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
