So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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