you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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