why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
