I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
