I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
