I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
