All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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