Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
should my penis look like a turkey
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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