I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
