I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
