I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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