So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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