can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
