During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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