:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
