Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
