I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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