hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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