i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
