Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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