I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I cut my penus on the lid.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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