Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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