when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
