someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
