I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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