Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
