I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
