why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
