i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
