Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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