hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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