margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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