They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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