I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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