Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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