umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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