I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
