I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
