listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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