So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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