you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize