what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
