Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
