Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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