I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
