I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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