i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
