pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
