Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
