I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
