Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize