You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
