my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
