Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
