Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
