Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
