direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
FUCK WHALES
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