Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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